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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

September 2013

1. My new husband wants to include his ex wife's 13 year old daughter in an outing we're planning with his son. I don't have any problems with the girl but she's not his daughter. Should we include her? - Nosilene

Rikki: Nosilene, It is obvious that your current husband has played a large role in the little girl's life. My stepson has a sister also who is not my husband's daughter. Although she isnt with us often, we include her in certain things as well because at one point my husband played a very important role in her life, and took part in raising her at one point. If the outing is something that wont create an inconvenience if she's present, I'd say why not. :-)

Kasha: This is a new marriage. This is the perfect opportunity to see what type of man you've married. He was once her stepfather. He was married to her mother which means he had a relationship with the thirteen year old whether it be good or bad. I am a firm believer that when you marry someone, you also marry their young children. My suggestion to you is to fall back and allow him to be the man that he is. Plan outings from time to time with her and his son to score yourself some brownie points. Don't over do it! Be his cheerleader and assure him that you are comfortable with him remaining as a positive male rolemodel in her life. Communicate what your comfortable with and definitely your limits. Sounds like a good man! Good luck!

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2. My husband thinks its ok to smokes weed with our sixteen year old son and his friends. I tell him its not ok but I just get no where. What should I do? - Concerned01

Rikki: Concerned01, Issue #1 is that your son is smoking weed. Although that should be frowned upon, he has a parent who is consenting to it in a way. If you can not get your husband to stop, I'd take another angle; telling your son to stop smoking weed in the vicinity of your home, that should limit your husbands participation in it. I really hope one day you are able to get through to your husband though--that would make things a lot better.

Kasha: From birth children mimic the behavior of adults. What you have to decide is how much longer  you will allow your husband to be a bad role model for your son. First come up with a game plan. Target your son first because your his Mother. Stress the fact that you will be calling the police to report him if he continues to smoke with his Father. Also look into a drug program for him because you do not want this bad habit to progress. He also needs new friends. There is a book by T. L. Criswell called the Peacemaker. It would be a great read for your son. Its about a young boy who learns that his decisions  dictates his consequences. Give your husband an ultimatum. Stop or your telling the other kids parents and he will be arrested for giving drugs to a minor, child endangerment, possession of marijuana, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Could be assault as well. If that doesn't work, call the police and do what you have to do to protect your child. Your husband may need to enroll himself in a program as well. That would be a great example for your son and his friends. Good luck!

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3. My best friend is a Virgin. He wants to lose his virginity so he asked to have sex with me. We have no desire to be in a relationship with each other, he just wants to lose his virginity. Should I do it? - Anonymous

Rikki: Anonymous, Sounds to me like your best friend just wants someone "special" to be his first instead of waiting on someone. It is very possible to have sex with no strings attached. Because this is your best friend, this makes it a catch-22. On one hand, you guys are friends with no intent of having feelings for each. On the other, you want to make sure it doesnt make the friendship weird or awkward afterwards. If you two can honestly say that this would be a mindless "favor" then go right ahead, but if you cant guarantee that you'd look at each other the same afterwards, then maybe that should not be considered.

Kasha: Depends. Let's be truthful with ourselves and own it. If you are remotely interested in him, why not! If you love him like a brother, don't ruin your friendship. Might I add that he is somewhat interested in you! Otherwise he would not have asked you. I think a lot of relationships start when best friends experiment. Just know that the dynamics of your relationship will forever be changed.

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