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Monday, September 10, 2018

Fall 2018

Special Guest Columnist: Coco

1. My long distance boyfriend asked me for some nude pics. I really like him but I’m not the kind of girl that sends nudes. He keeps telling me everybody does it and asking why am I being difficult. Am I wrong for not doing it? - EV.E

Rikki - EV.E, I've had long distance relationships before so trust when I say I almost get his point. However, it's not a must. The whole "everybody does it" line is hella weak. We aren't in safe times anymore. Your nudes can easily be shared in a group chat with his boys, placed into some cyber porn society, hacked and sent to your supervisor, all kinds of weird things. Tell him it's a no, that you are uncomfortable. When my husband and I were long distance, we saw each other every month. Long distance relationships are costly when done right. So he needs to stick to video chat or book a flight.

Coco - Really dude?!? Isn’t that “everyone is doing it” line played out yet?!?! what are we 12?!?! And if so, hell no you don’t get any nudes, ya perv! *hard eye roll* “Everyone” is doing it but he left out the part where laws against revenge porn are a thing now cause so many people got those same ‘c’mon-baby-it’s-just-for-me’ nudes going viral. Just Sayin’. Seriously though, if that’s not your thing, pressuring you into it shows a lack of respect for you and your boundaries, which is a big no no. If he wanna see your nekkid skin that bad, he should jump his ass on the first thing smokin’ to come see you!  You’re not wrong for doing what makes you happy and not doing something that makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe him jack crap

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2. I caught my live in boyfriend sexting several of his exes. I already had trust issues upon entering this relationship & now I’m giving him complete hell over this. How can we rebuild our trust issues & stay together? - LanaBest

Rikki - There are so many ways to answer this. But to sum it all up: you can't unscramble an egg. Trust is one of those things that when broken, can NEVER be fully reinstated. It's like balling up a piece of paper and then trying to straighten it out again. You may still be able to see what's on the paper, but you won't ever get that paper perfect again. Exes are meant to be in the past. For him to still entertain them, ESPECIALLY in that way, is totally inappropriate. Why sext when you can make love to who you are with? Truthfully, if it were me, he'd have to GO.

Coco - Don’t. Next question.  
Nah j/k(kind of). Maya Angelou said “when people show you who they are believe them the first time. Lauryn Hill said “Baby Girl, respect is just the minimum”. Abe Lincoln said “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”. You already know the answers to your questions. Your gut is telling you. Now listen to it.  Take some time to by yourself to fix yourself so you can figure out why you have trust issues and heal whatever is hurting you so you can move forward into a healthy relationship with someone who will respect you enough not to be sliding into anyone else DMs. Y’all share bills and a living space but he’s keeping his options open...he ain’t pressed to stay together, so why are you??

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3. I’ve been seeing this girl for seven months and she’s still not ready to commit. She tells me she’s not seeing anyone else and she doesn’t want me to see anyone else but she’s not ready to commit to me. What the hell is going on? - Scotty024

Rikki - Hey Scotty024, Seven months in this day and age isn't a long time at all. There are so many societal distractions thanks to social media and social people. One thing you don't want to do is rush her because there is clearly a reason. Whether it's because she's been hurt in the past, or has baggage she's trying to control, the reason will be evident sooner or later. On the other hand, how old are you? Everyone gets to the age where you either want a future together or you don't. So that's a factor also, and may help to figure out if she's playing games or well, playing you. But in the end, good things are worth the wait and 7 months is really not that long as it used to be.

Coco - Scotty, sit down and let the girl live! Maybe she’s working out issues she has so she can be a better person for you! Don’t be annoying and mess that up! Or she’s lying and gotta husband and boyfriend and  >> girlfriend that she’s juggling and is just trying to figure out how to add you in the mix. Again, don’t be annoying.

Whatever the case is, what happens in the dark shall come to light.  You’ll find out what the hold up is and which step you need to take in your relationship (either forwards or backwards). What’s for you is for you and what’s not, is not but if you can’t wait for her to be whole-heartedly ready to commit (and not just pretend she is to be to appease you which would really suck) then you might need to rethink some things. 7 months is nothing compared to forever so be easy homie.

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